Perspective
by Not all that glitters
Summary: A turning point in the life of Regulus Arcturus Black. One-shot


This was an important day for one Regulus Arcturus Black. Today, he thought, today, I get to see my Gwynn. Gywnneth Clifton was someone his parents would not approve of. Seeing her made Regulus feel just a bit like Sirius. Not that he cared much for his parent's approval anymore. After Sirius had left, it had felt empty and meaningless to him. With the death of his father, his mother had become overbearing, and Regulus had begun to question her tenuous grip on sanity.

Regulus apparated outside the boundary lines of the Clifton estate, and walked up to the front door. Gwynn was waiting there, an anxious look upon her face. "What is it?" Regulus asked, semi-annoyed. THis was supposed to be a day where he didn't have to worry about the war or the dark lord or the remnants of his family. Gwynn gave a shaky smile. "I've got news." she said, "but come in and sit down. We can talk over tea."

REgulus was hastily running through what he knew to the dark lord's plans. There had been no attacks in the area recently; Gywnn had already lost most of her family; his family was still blissfully unaware of his more-than-casual-acquaintance with her, and he could think of no reason why she would seem so nervous.

In truth, Gywnneth and he made a strange couple. She was not a pureblood, but a witch from a once-prominent family in Iceland. The majority of her family's holdings in England had been liquidated, excepting the estate she now resided in. The rest of her family was either dead, presumed dead, or as good as dead. She was beautiful, hair so light it was nearly like moonbeams, delicate bone structure-but was not sly enough to make it in the world of wizarding politics. She was gentle where he was harsh, and naive where he was cunning. He enjoyed her company-if only for the reprieve he granted him from the schemes of his peers.

He sat down and absentmindedly sipped at the tea placed before him. "Now, what's happened?" he asked, glancing at her over the rim of his cup. She took a deep breath, and shakily placed her cup on it's saucer. Her mouth opened, then closed. "There's-well...it's not that..." She frowned momentarily, shook herself, and started over. "Regulus, I'm pregnant."

He paused a moment at her boldness-she was usually much more discerning- and slowly digested the sentence. "I'm going to be a father?" he finally asked after a large pause. Gwynn nodded. "Yes."

"How soon?"

"August, early September. Look, Regulus-"

He cut her off. "You'll be all right. The baby will be alright. There's nothing to worry about." he said almost curtly. Despite his outer appearance of calm, inside he was anything but. He was not ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. He was not ready to commit to having Gwynn as his wife; he secretly doubted he ever would. Now he had no choice. He could not leave the woman carrying his child-and he felt a slight thrill at that thought- nor could he allow himself to drag her into the darkness of his world. She would not make it out alive-of that he was sure.

Gwynn nodded. "I know you'll take care of us, Regulus. I just want you to know that you don't have to. I can manage on my own. I know your family won't be pleased with this, and I know that they'll come down on you. I don't think-"

"My family can do nothing. Nothing to you, and nothing to the child. I will handle them when the time comes, and I will deal with this."

"Regulus we don't have to keep-I mean, if it will make you loose you standing with the dark lord, I can run, and it won't matter..."

Regulus stood, eyes flashing, voice cold. "The child in your womb is mine just as much as it is yours. You will both be kept safe-have I not given my word?"

Gwynn nodded. "I know..."

Regulus walked over and held her shaking body. "I'm bringing a child into this horrible war!" she sobbed. "An innocent, defenseless baby! What happens if the dark lord does take over, and rids himself of the non-pureboods? We'll be killed! And there's nothing -

"Shhhhh. It'll be all right. I'll figure something out. Shhhhhhh." Regulus soothed. He allowed her to sob until she was exhausted, then gently laid her down. "I must be off now, Gwynn. I'll come again." He said by way of parting.

Exiting the estate grounds, he did not apparate right away. He was scared. Faced with the responsibility of rearing a child in the world as it was was a terrifying prospect. Regulus had always known that he felt too much. In order to please his parents and live up to the glories of his ancestors, he had suppressed his feelings. He worked hard to make himself into the model child. He had burried his empathy deep within himself, only bring it forth when he was sure he could manipulate it to his advantage.

Now, though, his feelings came rushing to the fore, and he fell to his knees with the force of them. What was he going to do? He had no one to turn to-his family would shun him, his friends would tell the dark lord, who might kill him and there was no one else. Tears fell down his face. He was a truly horrible person. He had known it for a while now, but never wanted to face that darkness that he had cultivated in himself. He had known exactly what he was getting into when he joined the dark lord. He sobbed harder. All he ever wanted was his parent's love. He wanted them to look at him like he was the best thing that had happened to them- like he was worth more than an heir to them. They never did, and he knew they never would, but he had never stopped trying.

He admired Sirius, and hated him. Admired Sirius for not conforming to their ways, for not doing what his parents had planned for him. He hated Sirius for doing those things, hated him because little Regulus could not go against his parent's wishes. Didn't Sirius know that all Regulus had ever wanted was a family? An older brother who loved him, and pranked him, but was never cruel or scathing, a mother that thought that her sons were the most precious things in existence, and would do anything for, and a father that was equally strict and fun-that was what Regulus dreamed of, and that was what he wanted for his child. He would never be able to give it though, and that made him sob all the harder.


End file.
